Why can’t priests marry if they constantly have sexual urges?

Let me start by saying that the solution to dealing with sexual urges is not necessarily acting on them. This is a truth that applies to all of us–not just priests.

It will be helpful to understand the difference between chastity and celibacy.

As mentioned in another post, chastity is not just abstinence from sexual relations. According to the Catechism, “chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (CCC 2337).

Chastity is the virtue which integrates our physical, mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual nature so that they work together in harmony. Through grace at work in us, the physical body follows the soul in giving and receiving authentic love. If that seems a little abstract, then think of chastity as the thing which makes our bodies capable of loving like God loves.

All of us are called to chastity. We are all called to live out a purified and redeemed sexuality. We are all called to love as God loves, never using another person as an object for personal use.

How to live a chaste life depends upon our individual vocation (or “state of life”).

For those who are not married, being chaste includes abstaining from sexual relations. Conjugal love belongs to marriage–so even if you’re not married yet but in a committed relationship, that doesn’t make sexual relations okay.

For those who are married, being chaste means loving and reverencing one’s spouse in self-giving love. That means that even in marriage, even if a person is totally committed to his/her spouse, it is possible to be unchaste–he/she can use the other person in a selfish (rather than self-giving) way! Being married doesn’t mean having sexual relations whenever you want–many couples can tell you it’s a much more complicated reality than that.

There are also some people who are uniquely called by God to live a life of celibacy: that includes priests, religious men and women, and consecrated virgins. Celibacy is a unique gift (a charism) given by God to those he has called to this vocation. It means living a life of perpetual continence, or lifelong sexual abstinence. It is a grace to live for God so completely that they belong to him and to him alone.

Now of course, all of us belong to God, simply by the fact that he is our Creator and the source of our being, and in a special way through our baptism. In marriage, though, a person chooses to give his/her life to God through giving it to another person. Marriage is a human sign of the love God has for the Church–that is why it is something so holy and a sacrament. In the end though, when we go to heaven, there is no more marriage. “At the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). Marriage is a lifelong covenant to help the other person reach heaven and give of oneself in love, but in heaven there’s no longer a need for it, because we will all be with God, who is the fulfillment of all our desires.

Celibacy is a reflection of that future heavenly reality on earth. A person living a celibate life is basically saying: “My body shows that it is possible for God to be enough, not just in heaven, but even here on earth!” And it can be challenging.

That’s why celibacy is a special grace; God has not given that gift to everyone (which makes sense, since we need good and holy families too!).

When it comes to priests dealing with their sexual urges, they are meant to respond like all of us are: with chastity. For them, that means refraining from sexual relations and living out the God-given gift of their celibacy. That is not always easy! Priests are still men with ordinary longings for human intimacy and family. It’s not unusual for a priest to have those desires, because it’s a natural part of being human–it would be stranger and far worse if he didn’t ever experience the desire for a wife and kids. However, God has called him to something even higher: a life of total self-gift to God, a life of belonging to him alone, for the good of the Church. That is an amazing calling!

…Of course, there’s also such a thing as married priests–but that’s a story for another time…

Let’s pray for priests, especially in today’s world, that they may continue to live out the grace of their vocation and the gift of celibacy with total chastity and selfless love! May God protect them from all the evil snares of the world, the flesh, and the devil. May they live their lives totally for God, and so remind us of the joy that awaits us in heaven.