Why is it said that women should always be obedient. Why is society so harsh on them and their dreams?
Man and Woman have equal dignity and therefore one is not inferior or superior to the other.
Obedience is “a moral virtue that inclines the will to comply with the will of another who has the right to command.” According to St. Thomas Aquinas, obedience is a special virtue, related to justice, by which we pay our superiors a special honour which is due to them by reason of their excellence of authority, namely, the fulfilling of their precepts or commands.” Therefore, a person who is rooted in obedience submits his will to the one who possesses legitimate authority over him.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church addresses the virtue of obedience as a duty. “The duty of obedience requires all to give due honour to authority and to treat those who are charged to exercise it with respect, and, insofar as it is deserved, with gratitude and good-will.” (1900)
Obedience teaches us to be humble and the spirit of obedience helps to shed our ego and pride. So that makes obedience a necessary virtue for both man and woman. We are all called to be obedient to those in authority, most especially to God.
Your question leads me to assume that in your case someone in authority may have clipped your desires and dreams and you are frustrated about it. And you feel if you were a boy, things would have worked out favourably.
Sometimes those in authority might want you to obey them because they feel or fear that something untoward might happen to you. They do this out of their love and concern for you. I do understand the frustration especially when you think you are mature and smart enough to handle situations, but those in authority fail to see it. I would say, please be patient. The time will come when they will be convinced that you are capable of handling things and will permit you to pursue your desires and dreams provided they are good for you and for others. Sometimes our desires and dreams could become absolutely selfish and we completely ignore the good of others. A family or a society grows and matures only when the common good is sought by all. So it is important that your dreams and desires are good enough.
Now when it comes to man and woman, though they are equal in dignity, they are not similar. Our bodily strength, mental and emotional capabilities differ. And because of our fallen nature, both man and woman tend to have disordered or warped desires which one might want to fulfil at the expense of the other. This becomes harmful and dangerous especially for those who are weak. So it is important that we not only learn to defend ourselves but also learn to avoid situations. Because women could fall victim to the disordered male dominance and arrogance, parents and those in authority are likely to take necessary precautions. This is because they want the best for you and because you are dear to them.
When we are very young, we are in the learning stages of life. It is not necessary that we understand everything. We must understand that parents and those in authority are God given. They are given to us by God to guide and lead us. Obedience is an act of faith. It takes a little patience and humility to submit to authority because
And as a final note, if you feel the authority is acting uncharitably and against your greater good, I would encourage you to discern the situation again with the help of the scriptures and with the Church’s teachings. You may consult matured elders, priests or religious. With their help you could prayerfully discern the next step. But do everything with great humility and respect. God bless you.
Jacob Jose
Disclaimer!
The views, thoughts, opinions presented here belong solely to the author and are not necessarily the official view of the Jesus youth movement.
Yes I agree with you. But, if obedience is a virtue that both men and women should possess, Bible wouldn’t have said ‘wife to be obedient to her husband’. Instead, wouldn’t it be like ‘spouse have to be obedient to each other?’
Rejeena, very happy to hear from you. Thank you for your question. The question is short but I will write a long answer so that the background is established and the case is presented in the context.
Let me begin by saying that Man and Women share equal dignity. Neither of them are inferior or superior to the other. Though they are equal they are not the same. They differ in their physical, emotional and biological makeup according to their unique call to serve as male and female – ie to serve others and serve each other in marriage.
The whole human race to called to love and obey God, the source of love, life, and light. And we must obey not out of fear or compulsion but out of love and in freedom. As we know, God himself is a communion of three persons. God the Father pours his whole self out to the Son and the Son reciprocates this love in the same measure to the Father – by making a total self gift. The love they share between them is the third person – the Holy Spirit.
God the father is the initiator of the self-gift, Son is the receptacle who is capable to receiving the gift that father is making entirely. In other words God the Father is the ‘lover’, Son is the ‘beloved’ and Holy Spirit is the ‘love’ between them. There is no fear or compulsion but love, freedom and harmony in this most unique divine relationship. No one feels threatened or compelled because of their given/assumed roles.
It is this generous loving God who created man in his own image and likeness, to love one another as God loves. God gave Adam, Eve, as a companion, to love and share everything that he has. Eve reciprocated the love of Adam by making a self-gift of her. God blessed their mutual self-gift, making their union fruitful and giving them children. They experienced love, peace, harmony and mutual respect.
Tragedy began when when man and woman chose to unfriend God. They sinned and turned against God, themselves and others. They lost divine grace that enabled them to love one another as God loves. Becoming selfish and self serving, they began to dominate and manipulate and ‘used’ each other at their will. One became a threat to the other. They violated each others God-given dignity. This is our experience today, the experience of Godlessness, the tyranny of self-deification. We lost our sense of who we are and that we are unconditionally loved by God. We lost our sense of self-worth. But God never abandoned us. Jesus descended among us as one of us, took our brokenness and Sin, and our inability to love god and others, sacrificed himself as a perfect gift on our behalf repairing the yolk of selfishness of humanity. Jesus set us free to love and have life – in HIM.
Jesus is the bridegroom and we are his bride, the church. When we love God and obey him and have a relationship with him (Prayer and communion), we realise who we are and how uniquely and passionately we are loved by God, we begin to forgive ourselves and others. And as we begin to love ourselves and others, we also realise that our call and nature is to make a gift of self to others most especially in marriage.
Obedience is primarily to God. Obedience to God enables us to be obedient to each other according to the God-given roles and authority. Students obey teachers, employees obey their manager. Parishioners obey the parish priest all because of the god given authority and roles. Obedience is the sign of freedom. God gave the 10 commandments to Israel immediately after they were freed from the wretched slavery in Egypt. Was God burdening them again with unbearable rules? or was He guarding them from conditions that led to sin saving them from another round of slavery to sin?. Rules are for greater freedom. God has given us commandments to safeguard our freedom, just us traffic rules free us to drive safe and at pleasure. Jesus asked us submit ourselves to him and obey his commandments. He Said his friends obey his commandments.
In the marital covenant, both husband and wife are called to serve one another. Service is offered to each other as equals and obedience is offered according to the God-given role and authority. God proposes that wives become obedient to their husbands as husbands are called live the role of Christ as the head of the bride, in the domestic church – the family. Husbands are called to die to safeguard the dignity and sanctity of their wives just as Jesus did on the cross. Which wife would be reluctant to obey a husband who is willing to lay-down his life for her?.
This is a divine design. Woman’s freedom and greatness is in freely submitting to her husband just as our life and greatness consists in freely submitting our will and life to Christ. Even if we don’t have Jesus-like husbands, the divine will remains unchanged. It is not the rule that must change but the hearts of man and woman. God transforms the unpleasant challenges that arise in marriage for the perfection of the soul. No pain and suffering is wasted instead they become redemptive and they aid in our sanctification and salvation. We will realise the benefits of the sacrifices and desolations when the time comes. Apostles exhort us to Work out your own salvation, with fear and trembling. Obedience is an opportunity to serve Jesus through the other – whom God has given a role and authority over us.
False humility proceeds from the head. And this is because the one who practices the virtue is puffed up with pride and wants to appear virtuous. Humility is an often-misunderstood virtue. True humility means knowing the truth about oneself and about one’s true place in relation to God and to others. True humility proceeds from the heart even without the knowledge of the person practising the virtue. God bless you.