If a couple is divorced, are they in sin and will this create an obstacle for them to enter heaven?

Divorce is definitely a tricky issue to discuss in this day and age, where in some places nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. We live in a society with a deeply impoverished sense of marriage and family. At the same time, there is definitely an increased awareness in the Church today that divorce is complex and couples who have undergone divorce need help from the Church. This is what chapters 6 and 8 of Pope Francis’ encyclical Amoris Laetitia (“The Joy of Love”) seeks to address. The Pope’s view is that rather than establishing a unilateral rule or set of laws on how to deal with divorcees, pastors should work according to the needs of each individual situation. In other words, the needs and circumstances of divorced husbands and wives may be unique, and so they will require unique responses from priests who know what they are doing and know how to accompany them. It met with some controversy, but this was mostly because of fears and concerns that the Church was somehow changing its teaching regarding marriage.

Speaking frankly, the Church’s teachings haven’t changed; the Pope was simply pointing out that different situations require different responses. You may ask, What would some of those situations be? Well, let me give you a few examples:

Example 1: John and Kat both grew up Catholic and got married in the Church. When they got married, they both practiced the faith, but over the years they fell away and stopped going to Church. Eventually, their marriage had a crisis and they decided it was “too much to bear” and they decided it was best to go their separate ways. They didn’t have any children, so they thought it would be pretty easy. Neither of them currently takes their faith very seriously. Both are now seeing other people.

Example 2: Bill and Susan got married in a Catholic ceremony, but Bill isn’t a Catholic or even a Christian. Still, they got the necessary dispensation to marry in the Catholic Church. Susan was a saintly woman and raised their three children in the Catholic faith. Bill eventually lost interest and began having an affair. He told Susan he was leaving her, and no matter what Susan said or did, she couldn’t prevent him from walking out on their marriage and filing for divorce. Heartbroken, Susan now has to raise their three children alone.

Example 3: Jerry and Anne are in the middle of the process for an annulment with the Church because Jerry was abusing Anne at home. However, Anne has needed to get herself and her children as far away from Jerry as possible for their safety and peace of mind. She filed a divorce and a restraining order so she would have legal protection from her abusive husband.

Example 4: Joe is a single and middle-aged man in love with Jessie, a divorced mother of two beautiful children. Both are practicing Catholics but Jessie’s husband left her after a crisis early in marriage. Joe and Jessie fall in love and now want to get married, but they cannot do so until Jessie’s marriage is annulled–but Jessie’s ex-husband won’t cooperate. He hasn’t spoken to Jessie in years and hates the Church. Jessie and Joe both feel frustrated and stuck.

I could list many more examples, but I think this should give you a good idea of the very wide variety of situations that we mean by the word “divorce.” Also, if you don’t think any of these are common, I have met people in situations similar to all of these examples (don’t worry, I changed all the names and the details)!

You also might be wondering what an annulment is. This is also called a “declaration of nullity.” An annulment is where a married couple approaches the Church with some issue which renders their marriage null. Reasons would be things like one party being forced to marry against their will, lack of clear intent, insanity, etc. I’ve heard some people speak about an annulment like it’s just “a Catholic version of divorce,” but that is completely wrong! Annulment is the Church recognizing that a marriage which they thought was valid is actual not valid, and thus a true marriage never existed in the first place. Catholics who get divorced will often ask for annulments, but they definitely do not always get them, and the process is very long and involved.

So with that being said, it is very hard to give a straightforward answer to the state of the souls of a divorced couple. Instead of giving a blanket answer (which may be inaccurate), here are some criteria that are helpful to look at:

Divorced people are still married in the eyes of the Church and of God. Do they live accordingly? Let’s look at Susan from example 2. She is a very devout woman who’s doing her best to raise her children even though her ex-husband left them. She’s doing her best to be faithful to her vocation, even though her husband (Bill) is not. Or look at example 4. Joe and Jessie want to get married so much, but they know it wouldn’t be right for them to do so until they’ve gone through the annulment process. Jessie loves Joe, but she knows that until the annulment, the Church still sees her as married to another man. Both are doing their best to keep themselves chaste. On the other hand, John and Kat from example 1, on the other hand, are both seeing other people now.

Did they want the divorce? Look at Anne from example 3. She definitely didn’t want a divorce with Jerry, but she decided to file one for her own safety. She has already begun the process of asking the Church for an annulment. In the meantime, though, she has filed a civil divorce to protect herself and her children. Contrast Anne’s situation with John and Kat from example 1. It sounds like they knew what they were doing when they got married, but they both gave up on the marriage and got divorced.

Keep in mind also that God is not cruel. If a husband or wife walks out on the other in marriage, and the other spouse truly did not want it and was innocent, why would God punish him or her for that? There are many divorced Catholics who have done their best to keep chaste, be faithful to their children, and do their best to live out their vocation. That’s very different from someone who files a divorce because of lack of interest in the marriage.

Did they act against the sacrament of marriage after their divorce? Remember that divorce doesn’t “break” a marriage. In fact, nothing can break a marriage, except death. Even an annulment doesn’t “break” a marriage, it simply says that a true marriage never existed. So when a couple divorces, they are still spiritually a married couple. The question, then, is whether or not they acted that way after the divorce. Look at example 4. Jessie is going through an annulment which has unfortunately been very slow. She is in love with Joe and wants to marry him, but she knows she can’t do that. She is still married to her ex-husband until the annulment is processed. These situations are particularly difficult and surprisingly common in certain places. Still, “Jessie” and many others do their best to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage until something in their situation changes.

God never intended for divorce, as Jesus tells us in the Gospels. Divorce is a sin, so willfully divorcing one’s spouse because of superficial reasons or marital difficulties is wrong. However, sometimes the actions of one spouse may create circumstances beyond the other spouse’s control (like in some of the examples above). In these cases, one of the spouses wanted divorce, but the other did not and was simply powerless to prevent it. Or in some extreme cases (like one of our examples above), the spouse could be a threat to the other’s life and divorce is providing legal protection until an annulment can be processed. In these kinds of situations, divorce is still not a solution. It is simply an unwanted consequence of a greater evil (we call this the “principle of double effect”).

The Church’s job is to help couples in these difficult situations. Sometimes, the marriage can be saved. Other times, that is not possible and an alternative path has to be taken.

The bottom line is that divorce is not a “one size fits all” scenario. We should never want divorce, but the Church has to try to help people based on the situations they are currently in and lead them to a better one. If a couple that divorced does die, we shouldn’t make judgments, because God knows the heart and there may be circumstances around their divorce which left one or the other innocent of any sin.