Aren’t arranged marriages archaic and out-dated? Why in some cultures it is still followed?

Before going into the answer, it is presumed that by arranged marriage, what is meant is a healthy situation where parents / relatives / elders / family friends etc. bring about proposals for the prospective bride or groom and the final decision is always left to the individual concerned. Any coercion, threats, manipulation in this regard is against the justice of God.

What determines the quality and fruitfulness of marriage? I believe it is whether the spouses grow in selfless love and holiness. The personal sins and past hurts will surely challenge their mutual love over the years. Yet a couple, who find their true happiness and contentment in God, can continually choose to love the other with the same unconditional love with which he /she is loved by God. So what determines the quality of marriage is not how the marriage proposal came about or how the wedding took place (how pompous or simple it was, who was the chief celebrant etc.) but how they chose to love one another unconditionally post marriage.

Different cultures, even within the wide spectrum of the Catholic Church, follow different norms. Yet the crucial factor is that the bride and the groom are prepared to take responsibility to build up their lives together in a way that honours God. Since it is a momentous decision in a person’s life, it is always good to consult mature persons (it may include one’s parents, spiritual guides, close friends) and discern properly. But whether it is arranged marriage or not, you are responsible – for its growing or withering.

A tree is known by its fruits. You personally might know many arranged marriages that are thriving as well as many that have gone sour. Same is the situation in the opposite case too. There are advantages and disadvantages to both systems. It is up to the individuals to make it work, with God as their centre. Remember that even the only marriage arranged and blessed by God himself floundered (Adam and Eve). Let us encourage young people to become mature and selfless in love in their single state, know God personally and be satisfied in Him; so that they have the necessary foundations – both spiritual and human- to enter in and to celebrate the beautiful gift of marriage.

Then, it doesn’t really matter how they enter into the sacrament of marriage – whether arranged or otherwise. What matters is how they loved, honoured and served one another thereafter!!!