Is it wrong to wear short dresses if some want to wear it for themselves? If boys are tempted then that’s not the girl’s fault?

Thank you for asking a such a relevant question and it is a difficult one too. In order to understand how dressing affects man and women, we must understand a bit about man and woman in general.

Man and woman in God’s eyes

Man and woman share equal dignity. The dignity they share comes from God. When God chose to create man in his own image and likeness, He created them male and female (ref. Gen 1:27). We are not created to compete with each other but to complement. To help each other to find the purpose and meaning of our lives. And to grow in holiness together.

Man and women are attracted to each other

Man and Woman are attracted to each other. God has created us that way. In the sacramental context of marriage, this attraction grows into a relationship, and the relationship becomes intimate and culminates in a union that is not limited to the union of their bodies but a total communion of the two persons. Man and woman become a total perfect gift to each other and become one with each other in such way that they imitate the Trinitarian communion. 

To be attracted to another is to find something valuable and good in the other person and seek that value. It could be beauty, virtues, personality etc. The attraction involves the mind, will, senses, emotions and desires. The reason man and women are attracted to each other is because of sexual urge. Sexual urge involves seeking  the person of the opposite sex, both physically and emotionally. The physical attraction is to the body of the other (sensual attraction) and the emotional attraction is to femininity or masculinity of the other (sentimental attraction). The sensual and sentimental attraction can lead to authentic love if integrated with the noble acts of love like good will, friendship, virtues and most of all self-giving. But that’s not always the case.

Attraction can be dangerous too

Because of the original sin, we have fallen short of the divine grace and have turned us over to selfishness, emptiness and loneliness. This corruption within us can potentially corrupt the noble objective of attraction which love and and end up doing the opposite that is ‘using the other’ for our selfish gains. The man ends up reducing woman’s body as an object for sexual gratification and woman end up reducing man as means for her emotional gratification. Lust affects man and woman differently.

We live in a hyper sexualised culture. Pornography plays a major role in corrupting the minds of man and women. Let’s agree that lust has affected both men and women and both are equally vulnerable and can become victims of the disordered desires of each other. 

Dresses protect our bodies but it can also do the opposite

We wear clothes not only to protect our body from potential natural dangers like heat, dust and snow, but also to protect our body from being sexually violated. When we turn to Genesis we see as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they felt naked and sewed for themselves loin cloths with fig leaves to protect themselves from each other. We also see God covering them using animal skin. One of the reasons why dress came into the picture is because sin corrupted our divine desires.

Men are sexually attracted to women’s body. Because of the corruption, a man given in to sensuality is prone to glance at a woman with impure thoughts. However it is seen that women who dress modestly are more likely to earn respect and honour from their male counterparts. People seem to respect those who respect themselves. When women knowingly or unknowingly expose their sacred body, men see it as an invitation to take it all in and lust. They see only the sexual value of the body and miss the person. In Jesus’s words he is committing adultery with you in his heart. 

Does that mean every woman should zip themselves up head to toe? by no means. You may dress in such a way that the glance of the onlooker falls naturally on your face. One who looks at your face is more likely to see you as a person. but if the glance falls elsewhere he might reduce your body to its sexual value and utility. Men are extremely adept at tracing out the curves and the recesses of the dress that expose some skin.

Why should it bother me, there is nothing happening physically

You might say since there is no physical contact, it would be ok if someone lusts me. The fact is man does not need to touch or feel to exploit a woman’s body for his own sexual pleasure. Through his memory and imagination he can make contact with her body even if the person is not physically present. Refer Jesus saying “Every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt. 5:28).

Should you care because a man lusts your body? Yes because when someone lusts after your body it affects you. You don’t deserve to be used by anyone. Your body is sacred. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Secondly by dressing modestly I’m helping my brothers to live a holy life. Let men return the favour by choosing not to reduce woman to a sexual object in their thoughts words and deeds. Men must redeem their corrupted hearts by the grace of Christ. 

I have once heard a man say this about Gold. No one  puts Gold on display in their house but keeps them under safe and secure custody only to be worn at special occasions. But on the contrary, Gold in a jewellery shop is always on display because it is for sale. Our bodies are not for sale!

Your Body and the Tabernacle

As a final point I would like to use the analogy of the tabernacle. Every Tabernacle has a door and when it is open, there is a curtain. Question is Who opens the door and removes the curtain? It is always a priest or a Eucharistic minister ordained to do that. Why? because they are the ones who have taken a vow to be a minister of the body and blood of Jesus. They know it is the body of Jesus behind the curtain and they know how to treat Jesus’s body and conduct themselves before Him. 

Who should have access to your Body?

Your body is sacred too. The only priest in your life, is your husband, the one who publicly takes a vow, in the presence of God, the priests and the congregation to become a total gift to you. He promises that you will be the only woman in his life and that he will love you unconditionally and would do anything for your greatest good, even death. Only the such should have access to your body. Nobody else should. The bible says “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. (ref. Mathew 7:6) The Bible warns us if a member of our body becomes a reason for someone else to sin, cut it off, it is good to go to heaven without it than to go to hell with it. (ref. Mathew 5:30)