Is it ok to end a 3+ year old relationship, if the spirituality, ideologies or family doesn’t match?

When two people start a relationship, they are beginning a process of discerning whether God is calling the two of them to marriage. Marriage is a vocation in which you pledge your life to your spouse in order to help each other on the journey to heaven.

Discernment is important because it is what helps us to make good decisions that are in accord with God’s will for our lives. God wants us to be happy and to be holy–although sometimes, we have to make tough decisions to get to that point! It sounds like the situation you’re talking about is another one of those tough decisions. Discerning whether or not to end a long-term relationship is difficult either way, especially because you are so closely involved in the other person’s life.

Let me start first by saying that morally, there is no sin in choosing to end a relationship before marriage, however long it may be. Marriage is what “seals the deal.” Once you are married, there is no reversing that decision! That’s why it is all the more important to discern carefully before marriage. Once you are married, the situation changes because you have already made that vow of fidelity.

When we are figuring out what decision is best for us and for our souls, it’s important that our decision be free. We have to really want and choose that thing. That’s why the Church says that you cannot be forced to marry someone else. Even if the marriage is arranged, the people being married have to agree and want the marriage too. If you are at a point where you are not sure if you really want to get married to this person, then you should not make your decision until you are ready.

Sometimes relationships go through “ups and downs” where two people who really love each other and have been together for a long time don’t really feel very close. That doesn’t always mean it’s time to end the relationship; sometimes it’s more like a period of trial which couples go through, and their love comes out stronger in the end. This isn’t always the case, though. Sometimes, things come to light about your partner which may lead you to really question if the relationship should continue. Different families, cultures, or outlooks on life sometimes can be overcome if the couple is able to come to a mutual understanding. Other times, though, that is not possible. Again, this is where discernment is really important!

It might be helpful to take more time for prayer and listening to the voice of God! See how the Lord is speaking to your heart, what stands out to you when you attend Mass or read the Bible. The Lord is always speaking to us, helping to lead us closer to his Heart. That will help you when you make your decision. Choosing to stay together or choosing to end the relationship can both be good decisions–so ask the Lord for guidance!