Is oral sex a sin to be confessed?

The conjugal act is a divine gift that is at the centre of the sacrament of marriage. The two important facets of it are ‘the loving union of man and woman and the miracle of new life’. Conjugal love is the act of making a sincere gift of self, willing the good of the other. The union of the spouses in marriage is a sacramental sign of our heavenly union with Jesus, the bride groom, as he returns to take us to his wedding chamber. 

With the tragedy of original sin, man and woman began to seek their own personal good at the expense of the other. The disordered desire in them (lust) reduced the holy act of the conjugal love into a mere means for selfish pleasure. They mulled over ways to avoid the intrinsic possibility of new life. In the quest for maximising pleasure, and preventing child birth, they perverted the sexual act at their own will and sought ways to contracept. This is a grave violation of the original nature of conjugal union which God intended. 

Our generation is ‘sex educated’ by pornography. The pornographic culture teaches us ‘how to ‘use’ the other person to maximise our own sexual pleasure and avoid the ‘risk’ of pregnancy’. Make no mistake, the so called oral and anal sex acts, pornography exalts is immoral and soul-crushing. These are certainly sins to be confessed. If we implement these perverse acts in our married life, we not only run the risk of losing our own soul to eternal damnation but also our beloved spouse and children. 

Having said that it is necessary that we draw a distinction between oral/anal sex that pornography promotes and involving the whole body in the loving union between the spouses. In the act of preparing for the sexual union, a loving couple wholeheartedly offers their bodies to each other as a self-gift. Here, the mouth or any part of the body may be involved in expressing their mutual love. There is no place here for selfish pleasure. Only the common good and greater good is sought for. These acts are never an end in itself but a means toward the end i.e. the procreative act. 

Sexual pleasure is God given. While ‘sexual pleasure’ is both a reward and an encouragement for the couple to come together in love, it is not the aim of sexual union. The objective of sexual union is union and procreation as mentioned above.

Now let me state a few things bluntly so that we leave no room for doubt. During oral stimulation, if either or both spouses intend it to bring about ejaculation apart from intercourse, the behaviour becomes sodomy and is morally unacceptable. 

If an unintentional ejaculation happens outside the vagina, the couple should make the act procreative by placing the semen in her while the semen is still viable. However, if a couple is prone to accidental ejaculations outside of her, they should be prudent, as this could be a near occasion for sin.

It follows then that a man should not ejaculate into the oral cavity from oral sex, but oral stimulation may be opted during foreplay, if both the spouses are willing, but they should switch to a vaginal act before ejaculation. Those who have premature ejaculation or those who have no reasonable control over ejaculation should use discretion in choosing oral stimulation during foreplay, as it could be a near occasion for sin.

Let us not forget, our call is to grow in holiness (perfect love), by disciplining our disordered desires, restoring it from the tyranny of selfishness. The question is not simply how to avoid sin and walk the borderline but it is all about reaching for Christ-like love in marriage. True sexual pleasure is the certain outcome of pure spousal love. It is seldom the result of external gymnastics and gimmicks.  

If you have a medical condition where things do not happen in the natural way, you may please get in touch with your parish priest who would advise you or direct you to the right person, on how to enter into the procreative act in holiness. May God bless you.