What are the challenges of inter-religious marriages?

Are you discerning the prospect of an inter-religious marriage? Then this answer is for you. As Catholics, have three vocations: vocation to married life, vocation to religious life and vocation to the single life. A vocation is the path of life that one chooses to grow in holiness and ultimately share in the divine life in heaven. When one chooses the vocation to marry, we are embarking on a path to holiness along with the spouse and (future) children. It is a journey from selfishness to selfless love.

We also understand that the most assured path to heaven is in and through the Catholic Church, the church that Christ himself established for our salvation. So the Catholic faith is also very crucial to us. 

When we are attracted to someone and wants to get married to that person, more often than not, we are little too selfish and adamant. We would want that person by hook or crook. We are blinded by the strong attraction. Most likely what we are attracted to is not the person that he/she is but some features or certain characters he/she has displayed so far. It could be physical beauty, life style or some talents, mannerisms or something else.

We seldom realise that this attraction that we have ‘misunderstood as love’ is only a ‘feeling’. Feeling is only an emotion, not love. We don’t realise that we will be marrying the whole person not only what ‘we like’ in that person. The mad rush of passion dulls our intellect and weakens our will and makes it extremely difficult for us to make an informed decision.

The issue is we are not really free here to discern the greatest ‘good’ for ourselves or for the other person in the relationship or for our future children and the generations to come. The greatest good that all members of the church deserve is an environment where one can practice our Catholic faith in freedom, grow in holiness and ultimately be united to God in an eternal embrace called heaven. 

First question to ask here is,  Is the choice I’m making is with full knowledge and with full consent, knowing well the consequences, challenges and responsibilities or I’m I simply succumbing to the surmounting passion and feelings of attraction. Remember, passions will pass off, feelings will fade off.

In an inter-religious marriage, the challenges are manifold, and it starts right from the beginning.

Since the spouse is non-Catholic, there cannot be a Sacramental marriage unless non Catholic spouse desires to become Catholic by receiving baptism or agreeing to do everything in his/her capacity to bring up the children in the Catholic faith. In most of the cases, the non catholic party will agree or will be coaxed to agree to these conditions with no real commitment. The formalities are adhered to superficially to get the marriage going. After marriage, invariably what will happen is that the Catholic party will soon feel restricted to observe his/her faith in freedom. Reasons will seem legitimate. Then there begins a chain of compromise – Personal prayer, family prayer, Holy Mass, Sunday obligation, Confession, etc. Then the compromise extends to the children – their Baptism, holy communion, catechism etc. We often witness children born in inter-religious marriages growing up to be atheists. 

Another challenge is the rights of children and the involvement of parents In all cultures marriages not only bring together the couple but also two families. In the case of inter-religious marriages, a warm relationship between families is unlikely because they share extremely different customs, ceremonies and traditions. Children might not get to interact with their grandparents on both sides as they ought to because of the challenges that are likely to exist there.

But at the outset, I do not deny that there are cases of inter-faith marriages where the non catholic spouse has sincerely embraced the Catholic faith and with great desire leading a graceful Catholic life. But it’s rare. 

Let us ask ourselves these questions. Should I risk not being able to practice my faith. Can I take my salvation and the salvation of my spouse and children lightly? Should I ignore the difficult situation I will be putting my parents into? Should the generation after me bear the consequences of the selfish choice I make? 

Is it worth the trouble? Is there really a dearth of Catholic boys and girls? I would encourage you to prayerfully consider all facts and discern for yourself. Marriage is a project of a life time. When you discern, detach yourself from the pressure and burden of this relationship and make an informed decision with sound mind. Take help of elders in the church. May God help in your discernment.